Name
by WitchcraftAndTrickery
Summary: "I don't know what to say," Fenris began, taken aback by the hopelessness she seemed to radiate. "But I am here." - Songfic set to 'Name' by the Goo Goo Dolls, set after All That Remains. Slight deviation from in-game scene, snarky!f!Hawke.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fenris, Hawke or anything associated with Bioware or Dragon Age. Neither do I own any music by the Goo Goo Dolls. Unfortunately, I don't own Johnny Rzeznik either. D:**_

_**CAUTIONARY NOTE: If you haven't completed 'All That Remains' in Act 2, this entire fic is one big spoiler. You have been warned.**_

_**This incarnation of Hawke is default!female!snarky!warrior!Hawke.**_

Name  
Fenris hung back by the doorway. Bodahn had let him go through, with something of a wary look in his eye, but something was stopping him. _Fool_, he cursed himself. Memories of the last time he'd been in this room were returning unbidden to his mind, and despite the pain, regret and shame he felt standing here now, he couldn't bring himself to leave.

_And even though the moment passed me by, I still can't turn away_

It was silent behind the door. That worried him – Fenris had seen enough death in the Imperium to understand how people coped. They wept, grieved, and gradually learned to accept it. But Hawke had thrown herself into hunting bandits, raiders and Lowtown thugs with more fury than a demon, and spent more and more time up on Sundermount recklessly duelling Tal'Vashoth. When she wasn't, she was here, in her manor, locked away alone. Even Isabela had voiced her concern about the once light-hearted and cheerful woman.  
_  
As all the dreams you never thought you'd lose got tossed along the way_

She had told him of her family. How her father had been an apostate, subjecting the family to a life on the run. How he had died three years before the Blight destroyed their home, leaving his eldest daughter to protect the family. How as they had fled Lothering, her brother had been slaughtered by darkspawn before their eyes. The Templars had taken her sister from her, and now a crazed blood mage had not only murdered her mother, but defiled her with demons and necromancy. Fenris thought back to the spirited, cocky yet kind woman he had met three years ago. A woman with so many dreams for the future, so intent on protecting her family. Now, her family was gone.  
_  
Letters that you never meant to send got lost or thrown away_

He knew Hawke felt guilty about it, but what should he say? He could not lie to her. He would not subject her to useless sympathy. He knew Hawke more than any of their crowd, and he knew that attempts to make her feel better would just make her feel worse. With that in mind, he pushed open the door.

She was sitting on the bed, gazing at the floor. Her whole being seemed defeated – the slump of her shoulders, the looseness of her hands, the complete lack of expression on her face.

"I don't know what to say," Fenris began, taken aback by the hopelessness she seemed to radiate. "But I am here."  
_  
And now we're grown up orphans that never knew their names  
We don't belong to no one, that's a shame_

She looked up at him, and Fenris felt a stab of pain as he saw her empty eyes, their usual light completely diminished. Her face was paler than usual, and drawn so much she looked ill – Fenris had the suspicion she hadn't been eating. She looked as dead as her mother. She didn't look surprised to see him, though, and Fenris wondered if he wasn't the first to come and visit her.

"Just say something," she muttered, looking back to the floor. "Anything." __

You could hide beside me, maybe for a while

Fenris frantically tried to think of something. Since that night, his mind had been full of things he wanted to say to her. In his mind, he told her these things effortlessly, his voice steady and full of conviction. Now, his mind was blank as her expression, and he stumbled over his words slightly as he spoke.  
_  
And I won't tell no one your name – I won't tell them your name._

"I – They say death is only a journey," he said, ashamed of how pitiful it sounded. "Does that help?"

He sat down next to her, trying to keep the recollections of his last time here at bay. He watched her as she stared at the tiled floor, worried that his attempts at consolation were only serving to distance her from him.

"It just raises more questions," she replied, turning her head to meet his gaze. "Journey to where?"__

Scars are souvenirs you never lose, the past is never far

Fenris fought the urge to smile at her. That was more like her. Questioning everything, always ready with an answer to whatever was said to her. It was good to know that his Hawke was still somewhere under the misery, that the battles of the past few years had not scarred her soul as well as her skin. __

Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?  
Did you get to be a star?

"I don't know," he said, sighing. "It's just something people say."

She was quiet, looking down at the floor again. Something in Fenris wondered at how she had been happy living in the Lowtown slums, surrounded by her family, and now that she had achieved the dream of so many and gained a manor in Hightown, she was so completely alone.

He knew he was not achieving much by way of comforting her, but something told him to stop trying. Even in his darkest hours, Hawke had never been one to show shallow pity. She had listened, understood, and helped him recover. Her gentle patience and wry sense of humour had helped him more than she knew, and if that was what she needed, he was ready to do the same.__

And it don't it make you sad to know that life is more than who we are

They sat in silence for a moment, both contemplating. The shouts of a few drunken men outside came drifting in through the window, seeming to Fenris to be strange and foreign sounds amid the stillness of Hawke's room. A bitter smile that didn't reach her eyes rose to Hawke's lips as one of the strangers shouted something obscene to an employee of the Blooming Rose.__

You grew up way too fast, and now there's nothing to believe  
And re-runs all become our history

The smile fell just as quickly from her face as it had risen. She had changed so much in the past few years, and yet she had always been the strong one. To see her weakened like this was enough to make even Fenris' heart ache. The silence between them seemed to grow thicker with each second. In the end, Fenris couldn't bear it any longer.

"To be honest, I don't think there is much point in filling these moments with empty talk," he sighed, his gauntleted hand brushing over hers gently.__

A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio  
And I won't tell no one your name – I won't tell them your name

To his surprise, she twined her fingers around his, clasping them together. Her eyes closed tightly, her lips pressed together, and her body began to shake. Fenris' initial reaction was to pull away, but as the tears began to slide down her face and drip to the floor, he moved closer.

"Hawke…" he murmured, reaching out his other hand to her. She turned to face him, tears just beginning their silent path down her cheeks, and she suddenly buried her face in his shoulder as the sobs began to wrack through her. One hand clutched his armour, the other stayed firmly entwined with his. __

I won't tell them your name  
I won't tell them your name

He was unaccustomed to such emotion, especially from Hawke – she was a tower of strength, someone to be followed and unquestioned, and yet here she was, crying the first tears of grief and abandonment into him. He raised his hand uncertainly to stroke the back of her hair, letting her cry herself out for as long as she needed. He dipped his head to rest on hers, inhaling the scent of her hair and her tears. __

I think about you all the time  
But I don't need the same

He had left her. He had abandoned her that night, leaving her alone because of his own cowardice. He had been afraid of what giving himself to her might bring, of the memories it brought back, and yet ever since he had been unable to escape the memories of her – the touch of her fingertips, the heat of her mouth, the sensation of her skin. And yet it was to him she was crying, to him she was bearing her tortured soul, and with him she was sharing with her agony.

He had never felt more ashamed of himself, nor had he ever felt more protective of her.  
_  
If it's lonely where you are, come back down  
And I won't tell them your name._

He wouldn't fail her again. He just had to find the courage to ask for her forgiveness.

_**So, I hope you enjoyed that little bit of fluff there I love writing Fenris fluff, he's just so darn cute when he's awkward…**_

_**Lyrics are 'Name' by the Goo Goo Dolls.**_

_**Reviewers get free cookies… Metaphorical cookies…**_

_**Constructive criticism makes for better authors, so let me know what you thought!**_


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